Poly Lifestyle Is Changing My View of ‘Traditional Relationships’
Last night, I was in the company of several people who are in polyamory relationships (more than one). Over the years, I struggled to understand the concept of the poly lifestyle and why people desired it. The people I met were an interesting bunch — They were, like myself, very “off-the-beaten-path” type of people. I found them all to be very intriguing individuals and I’m looking forward to our next meeting to learn more.
One thing to note about polyamorists and the poly lifestyle in general: Everything’s in the open. No one’s hiding their relationships or concealing things which would tarnish their lifestyle or relationship. Honesty is what separates this lifestyle from cheaters.
I must admit that I’m fascinated by the psychology which drives these polyamorists. As I explained to the group, I no longer believe that most human beings are naturally monogamous. My faith in the concept of monogamy has eroded over the years through the adulterous nature (psychological and physical) of friends, family, exes and strangers. Seeking to understand what drives people in traditional relationships to cheat, I’ve arrived at various conclusions over the years, and chief among them is what I’ve already mentioned: Human beings aren’t naturally monogamous!
Frankly, I’m not sure that I could deal with another woman cheating on me. It would most likely end up being a very ugly situation that I would later regret (although I’d like to believe that I could simply walk away without being filled with rage). To my knowledge, there’s only been one woman that cheated on me, and honestly, she was more than I could handle due to her repeat offenses.
So, based on personal experience and that of others, I’ve been alarmed enough to question the reality of human nature and how we truly function. By spending time with these individuals, I believe I’ll one step closer to better understanding the real nature of human desire and multiple relationships.
Heroes and Mentors: Why They’re Necessary
(Pardon the typos in this entry — The ‘moment’ struck me to write this entry over a few glasses of wine, and so, this is a ‘rush’ copy of my thoughts. I’ll fix the errors later. The ‘perfectionist’ within is definitely on vacation on this one!)
Let’s get right to it: Without dreams, heroes and mentors, I probably wouldn’t be typing this entry right now. There were many times in my life where I wanted to call it quits and move on throughout the cosmos and (hopefully) be rebirthed into a new existence. While I’ve never had a ‘hard’ life, it certainly hasn’t been easy, either.
When I look back on my life, the one thing I wanted more than anything was a stable household filled with two loving parents. I struggled for years to deal with the absence of my father, yet I understood that part of his absence was due to matters beyond his control. Craving male influence, I sought out male figures early on in my life.
In this post, I salute the many men who have influenced and shaped my life over the years — Even to this day:
1. Uncle Rufus — In many ways, Uncle Rufus became the father I always needed. We spent time fishing together, talking about life, and doing things any father and son would do. I can vividly recall the moments we shared together, the fish we caught and the many conversations we had. Uncle Rufus was an amazing man, one filled with love, lots of heart and soul, and a love for family. Unfortunately, he was taken away in the early 90s during a hunting trip in Mississippi.
Uncle, thank you for your inspiration and guidance. You’ll always be in my heart.
2. Michael McDonald — Michael’s music was in my blood — Probably since the time I was born. Through my father, I was somehow became hooked on the Doobie Brothers, and after hearing ‘On My Own’ and ‘Sweet Freedom’ one too many times, I sought out Michael’s solo albums for my pure indulgence at the tender age of 15. My first Michael McDonald tape was ‘Take It To Heart’. Through Michael’s music, I learned even more the meaning of love, life and sacrifice.
I am thankful for our friendship. Michael’s music has been a guiding light for me.
3. Ken Reed — In 1995, I took my first tour of J.B. Hunt’s Detroit Terminal. There, I met their then Terminal Manager, Kenneth J. Reed. He was expecting some ‘rich kid’ from the suburbs when he received orders from headquarters to give me a tour; Instead, he met me, a product of a single-parent household who was craving positive male influence and direction. I adopted him as my ‘Godfather’.
Ken, who’s almost 60 years old, has been an amazing and strong figure in my life. I am indebted to him for all he’s instilled in my life.
4. J.B. Hunt — In 1993, I wrote Johnnie Bryan Hunt, Chairman of J.B. Hunt Transport Services, Inc, at the young age of 13. I’d grown accustom to seeing his trucks on the highway, and given my love for big trucks, I was inspired to personally write him. That one letter sparked an amazing relationship with a multi-billion dollar corporation, many friendships and a lot of invaluable knowledge over the years.
5. Donald Schneider — In 1993, soon after writing J.B. Hunt, I reached out to Donald Schneider, President of Schneider National Carriers, Inc., to learn more about the trucking industry and principles to lead a successful life in business. Donald was kind enough to personally respond with a lot of company information and we’d remain in touch over the years about his company, life and other things.
6. Bill Gates — In 1995, I was determined to make contact with Bill Gates and add another inspiration figure to my roster. Bill’s first e-mail to me was to wish me a happy 15th birthday. When I received his response, I smiled, but I also felt pretty stupid that he even responded to such a request. Regardless, Bill taught me that anything was possible in life, and through his accessibility, I was able to learn a lot about Microsoft and what it took to succeed in life.
7. Dave Taylor — I first met Dave in 2005 here in Denver. I thought he was an interesting fellow, but our friendship wouldn’t solidify until two years later. Dave is interesting in that, like everyone else on this list, he’s a very low-key guy, despite his enormous success over the years. Dave has been a great and welcomed figure in my life. He’s a great individual and a wonderful human being. I respect him greatly.
8. Stephen Hultquist — I met Stephen via a Yahoo! Internet group. He was ’sitting’ on one of the e-mails I sent to the group. We eventually met and the rest is history. Stephen is a renowned book author, life coach, Virtual CIO and entrepreneur. He also writes for InfoWorld, which is a very cool technology magazine. Stephen has shared a lot of wisdom and business intelligence with me over the past two years. Stephen doesn’t yet know it, but he’s been an instrumental part in my growth. I am indebted to him for his generosity, friendship and kindness.
9. Collie Cook — Collie is 19 years my senior. This isn’t really a big deal, because most of my friends are almost twice my age (I seem to attract very wise, accomplished and wise, influential men to my life). Collie has been an amazing friend and mentor in my life. We’ve shared many laughs over the years and even at 47 today, he’s still a riot!
There was a time when his Mom questioned why he was hanging around a young guy like myself. At the time, I guess she was incapable of realizing our relationship and the profound and great impact he was having upon my life. Collie is a great guy and a wonderful friend. He’s definitely a well-respected individual in my life.
10. All the other great male heroes and mentors in my life. There isn’t enough room to list everyone! You know who you are and you’re all special to me! All of these great and wonderful men have made an amazing impact on my life. I seriously don’t know where I’d be without them. They’ve been an instrumental part in my growth and learning in life.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
With love,
Ron
Traveling The Road of Independence
I realized something this morning: I need to re-focus on my own efforts. For the past few months, I’ve stretched myself pretty thin attempting to involve myself in other people’s projects and priorities. I was making the same old mistake of the past: Neglecting my own efforts to help those of others.
I’ve had many reasons for keeping my hands in numerous cookies jars: I figured they’d bring me closer to certain goals and that I’d realize some efforts sooner. Unfortunately, this hasn’t been the case. So, rather than chasing opportunities I cannot and am fully not ready to commit to, I should really get back to focusing on what’s most important right now: Me.
When we commit to things prematurely, we end up being on someone else’s schedule. And, given my independent streak, my journey, growth, etc., it takes time to be fully ready to commit to others in a way that’s beneficial to them. So, I think the wisest thing for anyone in a similar position is to not take on the extra projects and instead, focus entirely on your own.
There are a lot of things I’m simply not ready for. This is one area where I haven’t been completely and brutally honest with myself. My motivation and passion for many things are way down, even though I’ve told others differently. The reality is that I’m still patching up things in my own life and have to take gradual steps to realize what I once had.
Thus, traveling the road of independence is what I intend to do from this point forward. At this point, this is the most important thing for me to do. I need to be fully engaged and committed to what’s important in my life. Best of all, there aren’t any timetables. I can do what I want, when I want and when it’s right for me.
Focus on your own journey. The rest will follow.
A Sad Day: Randy Pausch Has Died
CMU Professor Dr. Randy Pausch has died of complications suffered from his battle with pancreatic cancer. I was informed of Randy’s death via Twitter and as I write this, it’s a battle to hold back the tears. I can only hope that Randy’s death will further inspire positive change in the lives of many people he touched.
To reprise his ‘Final Lecture’, I am embedding it below for reference. I am grateful for the inspiration Randy has left us. Also, special thanks again to ABC News / Primetime for granting me the opportunity to thank Randy for his inspiration.
This is an opportunity to reflect about what it’s important in life, achieving your dreams and realizing your potential. I intend to do the same.
Ford Should Sell Volvo To Honda (While Saving Its Future In The Process)
“Reality” has broken the facade many of us suffer from: Our economy is falling apart. And so is Ford. They just announced an $8.7 Billion loss — Its largest ever — based on write downs and mounting losses in North America. Alan Mulally is not Ford’s “golden ticket”. No one can shield Ford — Or any other carmaker for that matter — From the buying decisions of the markets they serve.
Ford’s trucks — Once the premium money maker for the company — Is no longer. They’ve delayed the launch of their flagship F-150 line and are continuing to take drastic measures to reduce their losses. Still, it’s not enough to save the Detroit automaker from terminal failure in the short-term.
In the middle of this half-floating boat is Volvo. Purchased in 1999 by then Ford CEO Jacques Nasser, the Swedish automaker has been to hell and back with its parent company. Like the neglected child of a careless parent, Volvo has suffered greatly under Ford’s hardships. At last count, Ford has contemplated selling Volvo about a million times now. They’ve already sold Aston-Martin and Jaguar, so why not Volvo?
The sad truth is that Volvo was never a good fit for Ford. There’s too much clutter, corporate politics and bureaucracy which get in the way of allowing Volvo to flourish. The greatest mistake Ford made — Under the direction of Nasser — Was going on an ill-conceived shopping spree for foreign automakers, rather than shoring up and breathing new life into its own brands and products. Why would an automaker like Ford — The world’s most imitated trendsetter in the industry — Ignore its own staple of innovation and history in favor of another?
Now that Ford is in “deep recovery mode”, I think now is the time to bid Volvo farewell, divesting its interest in the company and selling it to a better caretaker: Honda Motor Company of Japan. Honda has all the right things going for it:
- They run a highly efficient and cost-effective company
- Their model lineup isn’t hampered by gaz-guzzling vehicles
- They develop some of the world’s most efficient gas engines
- They have the foresight and business acumen necessary for Volvo’s revival
- They’ve been kicking the living shit out of American automakers for years
I think Ford and Honda should talk. Honda would gain an incredible Swedish brand known for its safety innovation and technology, while Volvo would be in more capable hands to nurture its model line, stained culture and future success. Working together, Honda and Volvo could be the match of innovation and success that no one saw coming. More than a “match made in heaven”, the pairing of these two automakers would create an alliance that would make the likes of BMW and Mercedes drool with envy.
How about it, Honda?