Last night, I was in the company of several people who are in polyamory relationships (more than one). Over the years, I struggled to understand the concept of the poly lifestyle and why people desired it. The people I met were an interesting bunch — They were, like myself, very “off-the-beaten-path” type of people. I found them all to be very intriguing individuals and I’m looking forward to our next meeting to learn more.
One thing to note about polyamorists and the poly lifestyle in general: Everything’s in the open. No one’s hiding their relationships or concealing things which would tarnish their lifestyle or relationship. Honesty is what separates this lifestyle from cheaters.
I must admit that I’m fascinated by the psychology which drives these polyamorists. As I explained to the group, I no longer believe that most human beings are naturally monogamous. My faith in the concept of monogamy has eroded over the years through the adulterous nature (psychological and physical) of friends, family, exes and strangers. Seeking to understand what drives people in traditional relationships to cheat, I’ve arrived at various conclusions over the years, and chief among them is what I’ve already mentioned: Human beings aren’t naturally monogamous!
Frankly, I’m not sure that I could deal with another woman cheating on me. It would most likely end up being a very ugly situation that I would later regret (although I’d like to believe that I could simply walk away without being filled with rage). To my knowledge, there’s only been one woman that cheated on me, and honestly, she was more than I could handle due to her repeat offenses.
So, based on personal experience and that of others, I’ve been alarmed enough to question the reality of human nature and how we truly function. By spending time with these individuals, I believe I’ll one step closer to better understanding the real nature of human desire and multiple relationships.
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Very interesting, I too have pondered this situation in life, wondering if it possible to every truly maintain a close fulfilling loving relationship with one person in life.
I am a Mormon, inactive but still a believer. This is a sore subject to many members of the church, but I pondered it from a religious stand point reading what some of the original church members went through when asked to be in multi spouse relationships. For their era, this was a tough decision, they were people of God and devout believes in moral principles, many could not and would not take on the task. Unlike what modern society thinks, you cannot view the past morals and place them in today’s morals to receive your answers the minds and hearts of the past play a huge role in understanding this.
In my pondering, I felt that a poly relationship would be actually a superior relationship, by this I mean, you cut out a lot of game playing in the roles that exist in today’s society due to role reversals and are left with our natural roles in life between men and women.
For instance, we see in today’s society women, regardless of what is mainly said, hold the reins on their husbands sexuality. She gives him sex when she wants to, and therefore sex becomes a tool that a woman can use to manipulate her husband. Many men walk around hungry & frustrated due to this game playing. If the Husband/men don’t do what she wants, he is denied sex. A man can only take this for so long so he either scums to her desires or he cheats outside the marriage to fulfill this part of his life lacking which ends up most times destroying the relationship all together. Not to mention the destruction it reeks on the man no longer able to be the dominate one in the relationship when it comes to sex.
But in a Poly relationship, there is no control, if the man desires sex he has many to choose from so therefor she no longer has that hold on him, making this relationship more apt to work minus the games people play. Women are by nature the nurtures and men the providers and when we are lead out of our natural roles in life confusions & frustration replace harmony in the home.
My hats off to those that can handle this type of a relationship, I just don’t think at this moment in my life that I could in all reality. Thanks for the great read on a thought provoking topic many do not want to discuss.